At the Heart is Yoga - 14th March 2008

A Yoga Blog

When I was told by the doctor who was re-setting the cast for my wrist that I was unable to return to work until sometime in April, my reaction was somewhat confused. Initially I thought “fantastic” 6 weeks to reconnect - with life, with my meditation practise, and with all that’s important to me without the demands of work eating up all of my time.

What I discovered was that when I took work out of the equation I just found other things to do. Instead of resting, I have busied myself following up things for work, chasing doctors, and organising paperwork for the accident claim. I don’t know when phrases like “I really should…” and “I just have to…” entered my vocabulary, but they have certainly made themselves at home. But most of my energy this past week has been devoted entirely to worrying. I felt like I had been swept up by an avalanche of “what ifs” that had gathered so much speed there was no stopping them. But life, in all of its wisdom had other ideas. On Tuesday, whilst my head hurried forward on in its self-important quest to control everything, my feet became entangled in computer cords, tripping me up. As I fell, I heard the words “be here now”. I laughed, I cried, and then promptly forgot. The avalanche of panicked ‘what ifs’ continued. A few days later, I stubbed my right big toe and as I watched the blood drip down my foot, I surrendered. I am Here. Here is Now. Now I Am.

Ishwara Pranidhana (ish-var-a Pran-i-dan-a) is one of the Niyamas or ethics for living our yoga, on and off the mat. In its simplest translation it means surrender. It is not about a passive supplication rather, it is a practise of discerning that which we cannot influence, from that which we can and knowing when and where to channel our energy. I realised (eventually…) that I had no control over whether I would receive a payment for the lost work hours due to this injury. I had done all I could do and now I just had to wait… surrender… and allow life to look after me. If the payment doesn’t come through then something else will happen that will provide me with exactly what I need to look after myself. Some of the greatest experiences in my life have come when something I thought I wanted didn’t actually work out the way I had thought it needed to.